WHY ARE YOU HERE?
  • Why are you here? Are you just looking for friendship? Are you looking for a partner in life? Are you looking for an affair? I do believe they are all valid possibilities to be considered. Why not? You can ask yourself why is Esther25 asking this? And you can as well send me a private message to ask the question or comment of course politely on this topic, if you do not want to do it publicly, so that you are not seen, or show through your comments your vulnerability (also a possibility I respect) and I will answer you. No matter your gender or age. Because I always answer to polite messages. It is clear that not everybody is here for the same reason even though many may think the opposite. I communicate and write on this site with many people: men and women, with whom we became great friends and we discuss many of these topics. Please do not mention (there is no need) if you communicate and write with me that you do it, as I prefer this information continues to be private. Some say, people do not want to commit, others say people do not want to engage. Still I do believe the issue is we do not know what the other person really wants being here. So, I told some of my friends here that I would write something in this regard on my blog, still I decided to write about that, here too. I think life is amazing (it was not always like that) and no matter which was the experience each one of us, here had to go through it was a life lesson to overcome and from where to move forward along the journey of our life. This might be an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to share comments here or in private and for sure, an opportunity to understand we can all recover from the past and continue moving forward, learning from one another to be able to feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction and even love again. Yes, every one of us can do it if he /she makes that decision. Sometimes (may be never in some cases) it is not easy to overcome the blocks along our life path, it takes time, for some people more than for others still it is possible and there is no other way to live life than understand we have to do it. Sooner or later we have to be back to life and alive as well. So, from here today I invite the ones that feel inspired by what I write (wrote already), to say something here or privately. Why am I doing this? Because I believe it will help others understand (as I did have to understand) we are not alone, we are not the only ones thinking what we think and there are, out there (and here) other people like us, looking for answers to the life experiences they had to go through. I am one of them as much as you are. It has been great for me to communicate and write with many people here with whom I still communicate and write with, as friends, that have been of great support to me as I was for them, and to which I thank very much, since from each one I learned something, and hope they learned from me too. We are all human beings living a life, learning lessons and we all need support. The best thing that may happen to each one of us is for sure find that support. Find emotional support is key to overcome disappointing, frustrating and overwhelming bad experiences. Guess what? There is only one problem to face and solve: you will have to do the work, write and answer each time, still I do believe it is amazing to know there is someone reading and writing that may be at the other side of the globe (or even close to us). Do not feel sad, today there are ways to communicate that did not exist many years ago from which we can benefit and there are as well ways to travel to meet in person, for coffee, an ice cream, dinner, lunch or even a walk holding hands or holding each other. Why not? There is a body language also important to use to communicate with other human beings. Don´t you think so?

  • From DocMike on Tova Wall @Esther25, I think you raise some very interesting points with respect to what people want from this and other dating sites. As I see it, and of course not everyone may agree, but for some, the end-point may be very clear, not only the kind of person desired and the type of relationship, but also how it will be achieved. For me it is much more nebulous. There is something about the meeting of minds, and for each to accept the other as they are and what they have been through. // I think it is also about the journey as much as it is about the destination, as long as the couple are broadly heading in the same direction, they can go far. But there is also nothing wrong in chatting, communicating, learning about the other's perspective on life and determining the destination with that person is "not for me.” // I think there is also something about anticipation and expectation. Why do many people not show a photograph? Or the most recent photograph is a younger version of the themselves. Created is an anticipation that may be high but it can be very quickly replaced by disappointment if the expectation is not met. We would not think of meeting people on a date by texting, or speaking through audio alone. So why do it on the internet? So what if we display a picture of ourselves and we are recognised by someone else on the site? Is there still a stigma attached to using a dating site? Why cannot online dating be just like any other type of dating? Maybe this becomes easier if first we have accepted ourselves and our own failings. And then we can worry less about ourselves and go forward into a new relationship with more confidence.
  • @DocMike Great you think I "raise some very interesting points with respect to what people want from this and other dating sites". This was the idea.
    I do agree "for some, the end-point may be very clear", even though not in all aspects of the "Personal Project" itself possibly, what I find to be normal. It is difficult to define and try to find on an online dating site exactly "the kind of person desired" first of, and to achieve that purpose you would have to read a lot of profiles fo find that specific person. I would suggest to do something different that will nurture your soul and help you grow and understand possibly other things chatting with new people. This is why I do believe it is about spending time to chat, to see who is truly behind the pictures seen or unseen and the profile written too. I did it myself and found very good persons, and others too.
    Regarding "the type of relationship" great mention because it would be impossible to recreate "a same type of relationship" and sometimes better not go that way too.
    Interesting "how it will be achieved"? Great comment for sure and even more when people live far away. Still it can be managed too. So you find it to be "nebulous"? .
    I think "the meeting of minds" is important, still it may be more important the meeting of souls for it to work. It takes time to understand, know and accept another person and even more when you are looking for someone with whom to build a relationship. Still, this is not something that is planned, it simply happens and it is a matter or energies, timing and hearts, I would call it a "feeling thing" for it to last and not just a mental thing you create from your rational brain side. Well I do not expect everybody to think like me, still this is how I see it.
    Accepting "the other person as they are and what they have been through" without judgement, being supportive (my opinion only) is as important as accept oneself first, understanding why we had to go through what we had to go and of course ask "Did I learn the lessons"? Because it would not be easy to try to build a new relationship, not humble about what happened, from where we did learn instead of going back to the same stories of not knowing "how to" and "what to" do.
    This is exactly what you say since I do agree with you "it is about the journey as much as it is about the destination, as long as the 2 people (not yet couple) are heading in the same direction, they can go far".
    No, "there is also nothing wrong in chatting, communicating, learning about the other's perspective on life and determining the destination with that person is "not for me.”"
    Great question of which I would like to read answers too, "Why do many people not show a photograph?" "Or the most recent photograph"?
    Disappointment can as well be generated when through the chat you do not recognize the profile written of the person you thought wrote it, and is chatting with you.
    So how would you think of meeting people on a date, after texting, or speaking on whatsApp? Not everyone's the same and timing is different for every human being
    There is a possibility always today on social media no matter which the site, when you display a picture of yourself, to be recognised by someone else on the site.
    Of course there is a stigma attached to using a dating site. And this is normal. Human vulnerability is part of our human nature and this is about how to deal with it or not
    What do you mean by "Why cannot online dating be just like any other type of dating?" So what is the difference between them you suggest to improve from here?
    I do agree with you "this becomes easier if first we have accepted ourselves", still I do not agree with "failings" since I do believe failure does not exist and is just information to turn direction in our life path.
    Maybe you are right, "and then we can worry less about ourselves and go forward into a new relationship with more confidence".
  • I'm looking for my last and best partner in life for monogamous ltr. So it's all about sharing the journey with one person who accepts and gets you as they are and you accept him. I say the more in common the easier that is likely. Don't have need to delve into more details here if someone is interested please feel free to private message me, thanks. - Gail
  • Hi Gail Nice to meet you and thanks for your comment very sincere and honest. I agree it's about sharing the journey with one person who accepts and gets you as you are and you accept him as he is. Still both need time to search if there is a connection between hearts/souls or where you want it to happen. Take care and thanks again for showing up. Shabat Shalom
  • What I find is that even if I do not connect with someone or I am told that I live too far, or whatever, is that I am in a constant state of redefining myself, my needs, and what I might do to make a relationship work. If I connect for coffee, and sometimes as much as a three hour ride, I regard it as another step forward towards finding a mutually nurturing relationship.
  • I wonder who wrote this comment, and why I do not see your name.
    Your message is very interesting. First if you do not connect with someone it will be difficult to meet the person. We may all live far depending on where each one of us is located. I do not think this is about to be in "a constant state of redefining yourself" I did like in this regard, what goldilox wrote days ago. It has a relation with "what one might do to make a relationship work". I think it sounds great to "connect for coffee", even though "sometimes as much as a three hour ride", and I do believe we have to all be positive and consider it as you say "I regard it as another step forward towards finding a mutually nurturing relationship." Much success!